Other people’s problems

So I was walking home some day recently and some guy walked up to me out of nowhere and started trying to chat me up. Now I know this is not unusual, but I felt this was worth a mention because if you know me for the power introvert that I am then you know that I give off ‘don’t come near me vibes’ like a hurricane. At least I was at the time. ( I always do when I am walking home) All the guys who know me, know this. And I’ve sort of always assumed it was obvious.

Anyway, back to my story. So I would like to put it out there that 80% of all the strangers I’ve met in this city since we moved here who tried to chat me up to me wanted something from me. And most of the time it wasn’t something I was willing to give. (Like don’t even get me started on the conmen and entitled jerks.) Like you literally can’t trust anybody. They can smell gullible a mile away. I’ve regretted almost every one of them I actually decided to be nice and ‘help out’. (NOTE: Don’t be nice. Be civil and polite and courteous, but don’t be nice. You’ll just find a whole bunch of trouble you didn’t need. Believe me, I’ve learnt the hard way)

So this guy, I assume he was thinking he was warming his way into my good graces by plastering a toothy grin on his face and using sugary tone with me that he could start asking me questions about myself out of nowhere (i.e. my name). You guys… I didn’t even stop when I hit him in the face with a very direct and solid ‘what do you want?’

Now, we could all put 2 and 2 together and figure out what he was working towards here. But I wasn’t even going to waste my time feigning interest. Because I knew in the first 2 seconds that I was not giving this buster anything. (You know that thing about how women know pretty quickly whether they will give a guy anything… Yeah.) Not my time, not my money, and hell of a Not my name. (I decided after the last creep who screwed me over I was not going to be welcoming a stranger’s attention with anything other than stinging suspicion and a tall stone wall) Whatever he was selling, I wasn’t buying.

So this guy, apparently put off my frosty and apparently ‘rude’ reaction, started saying how ‘I didn’t expect a beautiful girl like you to be so rude.’

Hold up. I understand that you might think I’m taking an unnecessarily combative approach to this interaction but I want you to understand this guy found me walking on the street, quietly and in peace, trying to mind my own business when he came over and started hoisting his expectations on me. (Also if I remember correctly, my mind was already preoccupied with something a hell of a lot more important and interesting to me than anything he had to say to me. So considering my impatience already, I think I was pretty civil). So what if he thought I would be a certain way? Am I now supposed to feel bad for not meeting his expectations? Him, a random guy I’ve never even seen before?

Please!

So apparently, a couple more ‘I said, what do you want from me?’s, is what it took to get this guy off my back, but my question here for you is this. Are you the kind of person to take on other people’s problems and put yourself in a whole world of inconvenience because you erroneously think you are being nice?

Don’t do that. We have all met those people who walk up to you and give you a run down on all the things that are wrong with their world at the moment and leave you feeling like you have a problem too because somehow whatever is wrong sort of concerns you in some random way that doesn’t really matter if you think about it critically.

You need to learn to say, ‘No, WE, don’t have a problem, YOU have a problem. And I understand you expected me to be able to help you with this, but I’m sorry to disappoint you. I’m not in a position to do so’ (especially when you really have other things to worry about. But even if you don’t, it doesn’t necessarily mean you should go around taking on other people’s problems. So it’s okay to decide, unless it’s something really important i.e. life and death, or it’s someone really important to you, that you don’t need extra drama in your life.)  I know it sounds its cold, but remember nobody will feel sorry for you for problems you took on of your own free will, even if you are suffocating.

All I’m saying is this, choose your battles. Especially when yours will come freely and abundantly even without other people’s contributions to your load. Even S agrees with me. If you are going to be helpful, be conscious and sober about it.

But that’s me. See you guys next post!!! 🙂