PRIORITIES
I can’t feel what I want. I feel like I had an idea where I was going before and it drove me obsessively for a while, but now that objective has been reached I feel like I’m in an inescapable limbo. I can’t commit to anything at the moment.
I mean sure, there are still those things I was doing before that I’m still doing now, because they are the sort you don’t really ever quit and stop, even after you reach a goal, for instance exercise. But I’m finding myself listless in the face of these. I think it’s probably because I see no definite end to them. So I’m not as motivated.
I decided I needed a 3 week break before I started saving again, but what this has done to me it seems, is leave me in the doldrums. I’ve only written ONE paragraph, for chapter 2 of my project, even though I have the right idea about how to proceed with it. I can’t find the motivation to go after it the way I did chapter 1! And to be honest, I’m not even as motivated as I was before about what I wanted to save up for next anymore.
This is not good.
I’m afraid my progress is going to grind to a halt at this rate. I don’t want to go back to just coasting through life. I’ll never forgive myself later when I don’t have the time or money to kick back on a beach somewhere in my bikini clad bikini body at 40. No, I’ll get there or die trying. (God willing)
So I have to make it count NOW.
I won’t slack off. I can’t let myself slack off! I need help… God help me, I’m sooooooo out of it right now.
(It’s okay. Take a deep breath Redd! Relax. )
I think what I need right now is a spiritual boost and a reconditioning of my internal compass. I need to pray about this issue specifically. Ask for guidance. Sit down in my own element and listen internally for an answer.
Recalibrate my priorities.
It’s so ironic though. I’m enjoying the breathing space not having to withhold my spending or restrict my actions has given me. But it seems like I really do need the stress to thrive, and I’m not satisfied without it. Human nature is so weird.
See you guys next post!!! 🙂
