THE BITTER Truth

Warm your friends with bitterness, not sweet.

-the wise words of an apparently hated teacher in the bloody J-horror I watched last night

Never mind their dark and morbid origins, these words rang true even in the back drop of the just barely concealed bile these visiting students had for their old and very ailing teacher. It was a very interesting movie, but that’s not the point. The lady was asked during a very festive moment/ scene just before things took a turn, to give some wise words.

She wisely advised her students to always tell their friend what they needed to hear and not want they wanted to hear. Because apparently the truth is a very expensive gift. (When you get it from loved ones. It has a whole different meaning from an enemy.) But even when it comes from a foe, the truth (if indeed it is the truth) is still powerful. Because it won’t change no matter how many lies are thrown out.

How do you measure being a friend?

Who do you consider your best friend and why?

I say, (and I think a lot of people would agree with me) that the easiest people to trust are the ones that say the truth no matter how badly it stings. Now this may be debatable depending on the circumstances. I mean, is absolute truth even healthy?

They say your best friend is the one who can tell you anything and who will keep you sober with the truth, but is that even true? Can even the best friendships survive absolute honesty? I mean, the truth hurts! It hurts!

Say whatever philosophical idea you want about it from a theoretical standpoint, but anybody would want to always be around a person who won’t hesitate to give you the hot slap that is pure truth every time you slip up. Human nature is like that. You may appreciate it if they do it occasionally, especially if it turns out to really count, but if they do it all the time, you may start to avoid them. (But I could be wrong… people are different after all.)

In my experience, because I can only speak for myself here now, telling the truth and hearing it are both VERY hard. And if you ask me what types or relationships could survive this kind of brutal honesty, it say frenemies. Because then none of the parties would hesitate to say the truth for fear of hurting the other’s feelings. But in most cases here, it’s rarely said with any deep-seated malice or even hate.

I heard somewhere that the longest lasting relationships (I assume this is in a romantic sense, though it could be true otherwise) are built on lies. And maybe this is true. And if you consider the longest relationships you know about through this lens i.e. relatives, parents, grandparents… the like, it’s almost too sad to comprehend.

I personally don’t want to believe this. I would want to hear the truth from my loved ones even when it hurts. (Of course, wouldn’t hurt for them to find a tactful time and place to say it. I would personally prefer it if they did.) But I doubt any amount of tact could lessen the sting of it if it’s a painful one.

So the question here really, for me, isn’t should I tell and be told the absolute truth? No. I say tell the truth, but do it in love. If you know it will hurt, try and say it gently, even when there are no gentle words to put it in.

I personally would appreciate it more in the long run than lies. And I guess this is why the truth is considered so expensive. It’s very heavy, but it’s worth it when you really love someone. Hiding and/ or lying about something always hurts all the more when it comes out. Because like that saying goes;

The truth will out!

But the truth will also set you free. (I like this one. It’s very biblical and spiritual, and above all, true)

See you next post!!! 🙂