![\"pexels-photo-89643\"](\"http:\/\/theskrypt.co.ke\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/pexels-photo-89643-300x200.jpeg\")
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My emotions have come to a head. I don\u2019t care anymore. I\u2019m not reacting anymore. It\u2019s such a surprise though. I had such an optimistic outlook for this week.\u00a0 But I\u2019ve just been mostly down and very little ups. I don\u2019t think stressed out is the word for it. Or even worn out. It\u2019s more like depleted.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m glad the weekend has rolled around again, but I\u2019m not particularly gleeful over it. I\u2019m sitting in the library trying to sort out my feelings for this post and all the while in the not so far distance (i.e. cafeteria, I think) they are having praise and worship. I think the Christian union is having a thing.<\/p>\n
I say I think, because I don\u2019t know. I\u2019m usually checked out more or less. (I\u2019ve always been the live in your own little world kind of girl). I would join them, but the thing about my faith and relationship with God is, I prefer to keep it between us. That\u2019s not to say I\u2019m ashamed of my faith, because it\u2019s not.<\/p>\n
I own it in my daily life and others see it in the things I do. It\u2019s just I\u2019ve never really gotten into the whole communal thing. I get that we are supposed to interact as one body, but in the whole me and God dynamic (which is what I believe the Christian faith is about, just you and God. The fruits of this relationship is what I believe is supposed to spill over into your relationship and interactions with others) I just don\u2019t see where they fit. Faith is a highly personal thing after all.<\/p>\n
In any case, I have a lot of frustrations I don\u2019t really want to put up at the moment. Maybe because most of the catalysts are really fresh.<\/p>\n
Yesterday I was having one of my regular introspection sessions when I dredged up a sh** load of issues I didnt know, or probably maybe forgot, still bothered me. A couple of things happened this week to add onto and\/ or put a spark to the gasoline, and now I\u2019m an emotional mess.<\/p>\n
I think the hormones from my cycle helped open some of these doors. I don\u2019t want to slap labels on this because I feel like it would metastasize into something I don\u2019t want to deal with right now and I don\u2019t have the emotional fortitude to look at objectively.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m angry though. I feel like I can at least say that. Angry and a couple of other things and just out. Out of fuel, out of resources. I\u2019ve been praying a lot about it and at some point it had just started sounding like excuses and say-Sos-for-the-sake-of-it, so I stopped.\u00a0 But I can\u2019t handle it on my own. I was trying before and it was just unravelling, no matter what. Literally like trying to hold water in my hands. It just kept spinning out of control.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t have it together. I don\u2019t think anyone has. I don\u2019t believe anyone can. God is the one that\u2019s supposed to hold these things together for us. Effortlessly. But you have to ask him to, then let him and stop trying to fix things yourself. And for some reason, I\u2019ve been having a hard time with this. But I\u2019m tired. I can\u2019t do this myself, and I don\u2019t really want to try. I think I\u2019m sad.<\/p>\n
Anyway, forget my pitiful state of mind you guys. I hope you guys have a great weekend and I\u2019ll see you guys next post.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
My emotions have come to a head. I don\u2019t care anymore. I\u2019m not reacting anymore. It\u2019s such a surprise though. I had such an optimistic outlook for this week.\u00a0 But I\u2019ve just been mostly down and very little ups. I don\u2019t think stressed out is the word for it. Or even worn out. It\u2019s more…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":1494,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[8,9],"tags":[19,44],"class_list":["post-1496","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-faith","category-real-life","tag-faith","tag-real-life"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/sqrypted.co.ke\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/vaguely-1690900_960_720.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pa77RY-o8","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sqrypted.co.ke\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1496","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sqrypted.co.ke\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sqrypted.co.ke\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sqrypted.co.ke\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sqrypted.co.ke\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1496"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sqrypted.co.ke\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1496\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sqrypted.co.ke\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1494"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sqrypted.co.ke\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1496"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sqrypted.co.ke\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1496"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sqrypted.co.ke\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1496"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}